Who doesn’t love stickers? I’m a kid at heart, so I went looking for some this weekend. I needed a small visual symbol, a touchstone for this part of the journey.
And I found this:
Durga Devi
It’s an image of Durga Devi, the Hindu goddess of protection, strength, and destruction. My cousin also tells me that she is our family goddess, and he said a prayer for me after my diagnosis.
It’s funny, after my diagnosis, I kept coming across references to Durga Devi. My cousin’s prayer must have been the 4th. This is striking to me because I’m not a believer.
My childhood was practically the opposite of religious (there was a lot of tolerant eye-rolling at family elders). When my elder son was born, my father asked drily, “You’re not going to get his head shaved, are you?” Headshaving by a Hindu priest is a religious and community rite of passage for 1 year-olds. But growing up, this type of ceremony came with a faint whiff of: “that’s all well and good for the backwards village types, but we moderns have dispensed with superstition.”
So religious practice is not for me, but stories and legends and books? Whole other thing. I always had my nose in a book as a kid, and I drank in everything. Stories are my being, yet i’ve struggled with telling my own. Not anymore.
Kali
Kali is one of Durga Devi’s 9 avatars. Here’s a good article from The Juggernaut on Kali, the Avenging Goddess Within Every Woman (gift article - you might need to give them your email).
Kali represents destruction in preparation of creation. The last 10 days have felt like a burning away of everything superfluous, leaving only the essential. To-do lists, anxiety, irritation, all burned away, leaving energy, the need to connect, the need to tell people you helped me, thank you.
Yet somehow I just want stickers. Go figure.
You're such a good writer. Would love to hear more about your childhood.
My association with Hindu gods and goddesses was always steeped in the longing I had to travel far from Waterloo, Ontario. I learned the stories of powerful and beautiful Hindu deities at Unitarian Church and in my World Religions class. I spent a lot of time at the Waterloo library and there was this Indian shop near there, where I'd hang out interminably to marvel at (and sometimes buy!) the beautiful clothing and stock up on a ton of incense (unappreciated by my brothers), each kind representing a Hindu god or goddess. (Each whiff of smoke most certainly transferred some of their super powers to me! Cough, cough!) My interest was certainly boosted by my love for my best friend. Her family roots are in Sri Lanka and I thought she and her parents were the bees knees. Better read, so cultured, and infinitely more curious and fun-loving than most anyone I knew. And their food! YUM. (I grew up with a Dad who couldn't cook). While my Mum was alive, we would meditate together to a Ravi Shankar record, staring peacefully at a candle. So I guess that influenced me later. It was lovely. We'd do our sun salutations together in the morning. I'm rambling. Here is some love from Susheela Raman for you today, dear Sovita. Enjoy. XO
https://www.last.fm/fr/music/Susheela+Raman/_/O+Rama